180126 – recalculating

i wont lie.

in a bit of a creative fuzz.

what does that even mean?

i have two full albums of music finished and mixed.

when i listen to them i feel they are worthy chapters in the sound story i have been trying to tell.

i have music i am making that fulfills me.

but as of late, i have asked myself a difficult question.

why?

creating is one thing.

creating when you feel a sense of indefinable futility is another.

there are times where i look at the immense possibilities and potential and wish to wade in it.

there are others where i am frightened by the possibilities and potential of all of the unknowns.

but for weeks i have felt as though i am pushing against granite.

i feel like a mouse drowning in a bucket.

the weight that gives my soul substance is the same weight that makes me feel as though my feet were rooted in stone.

recalculating…

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